Late at night, when it rains, I hid inside my blanket. With half face visible and the more under cover, I remember how beautiful we were together. It reminds me of our first meeting—
16 July 2016
We decided to meet and you were supposed to pick me up. It was raining like hell and I was all set to meet you. And then, I thought you won’t come out but on the call you were there and asked me if I would be able to come? Yes I had to. Afterall it was supposed to be our first date. I saw you for the first time. Not that it was actually the first time, but I could touch you then. I could feel you then and I loved you then. It was only love between us and the rain added some more of it. How wonderful we were. Remember our first kiss? We both didn’t know how to kiss and lol teeth crashed. We spent a wonderful time together and since then, whenever you would call, you would remind me of the incident and we would both laugh. Why do I now cry for the same?
You left me like I never existed. Like we never loved each other. Like it weren’t you to ask me out and propose me. Like it weren’t you who would steal glances at me. Like it weren’t you who would get worried if I didn’t call to tell you that I reached home safely. Like it weren’t you who saod we would last and that too you would fight anyone. Like it weren’t you who said we would run if nothing works out.
What now? Why did you stop making efforts? Why did you stop loving me? Or showing me?
I never wished scribbling it all like this. It was meant to be a secret of my life that was supposed to die by my side. But then it happened. The rain! And I found myself crawling inside the blanket with teary eyes scratching my ears to escape the voice of rain. To escape the smell of the rain. To escape the memories of our love that happened in the rain and I found myself writing this!
Today I’m crying here for what my life has become. When at some time, I had someone to love me and shower care for me. Now I’m with someone who doesn’t love me and doesn’t even make me feel alive. I feel like a waste now. I want to dig inside the bed and escape the world. It was my decision. To run away from one, you need to run towards another. No I did not choose to end us. You did for you were not sure of our future. You were sure we would never be together. And now I see you daily and can’t tell you how much I love you. I can’t. I know we can be together and that everything can be perfect but no, I don’t want to tell you that because you don’t want us to be together. It’s difficult seeing you daily knowing you would never love me. And it’s even more difficult to try to love someone who thinks you are a piece of shit.
It was my choice and my life belongs to me completely. I ruined it all.
You can try your level best, but what when they are trying their level best too? To end it?