Love and Fear!

Night before the chemistry examination—
‘I am scared’
‘I’m busy’
‘I’m fucking scared of the examination… I don’t know what’s gonna happen. I might fail.’
‘Whoooo! Wait, you won’t fail but that’s not the issue really. Score matters. By the way what all had you been doing all this while?’
‘I don’t know. I’m scared right now. Do you get this?’
‘What do you expect from me?’
‘Nothing. I should study. Bye!’
And then no words were exchanged…
Just the beep of the call’s hanging up!
*Phone rings again*
‘I love you:
‘Wa… Wait! Pardon?’
‘I don’t repeat myself’
‘Say it you damnit?’
‘Does this matter?’
‘I don’t know.’
‘Ofcourse it does. I love you. And you know score matters but one subject shouldn’t put your moral down. Just do your best and we still have like 12 hours to prepare. I’m woken up all night. Call me whenever you are scared. I cannot hold your hold from the distance apart but I’ll do every possible thing to calm you do. Do your best. You know the writing tactics.’
‘Thanks… Er… Thank you so much Love…’
‘Ok bye I am busy.'(chuckling)
‘Hey listen?’
‘Now what?’
‘I love you too’
‘I thought you’ll tell me something new.’
*Beep again*

To those who know the art of staying!

Inspiration? Ofcourse Durjoy Datta💕

P.S— this posts completely differentiates needs from wants and imaginations from deams!



They will remain a secret between two hearts. The emotionaldon’ts done! And everyone else will be judging you for that. Ofcourse it was wrong. The one who committed the crime, is no one to say a word and the one who knows the reason will be shut. And it will remain a secret between the two.
What will be your instant action towards hurting someone and their loved ones getting to know it. Somewhere it was unintentional but yes, you committed the mistake. So… How would you react to it when everyone around is cursing you for it? I don’t really know about everyone. My instant action for one such situation was blocking the person. No I didn’t try to run away. It’s because he tried to convince others for me but it gets you into a bigger trouble right? Others keep cursing you and that one person keeps throwing hooks at you trying to hold you and keep you.
For the first time, I’ve chosen to step back. Exit the way I entered. In one night… Like a nobody. All that will remain is the whisper of some unspoken words.
P.S— even if someone finds the blogs fake, thanks for reading them. I can’t convince anyone for me. Really! No one can. It’s the decision of heart.

Learn to say a ‘NO’

Was it right to do?
You would have had the answer had you tried but…

See, this is what happens when you are too afraid of your parents, boss or your teachers. You get to delete all those pictures you clicked with your girlfriend or boyfriend because it’s wrong. Whoooo! Is it? Well, you think it’s wrong but do the people around you feel the same way too? Maybe they are chill with this and don’t even ask you a single question. Maybe they consider them just friends of yours and you’re worried for no reason. Actually, we all have to understand that we need to take the initiative. Atleast a try? Firstly it’s better to understand that everything we do by our own isn’t wrong. Sometimes it is, but not always. Learn from mistakes and gather from the good outcomes.

I shouldn’t say this? Well, I should because I’ve made peace with my parents and teachers regarding meetings and conversations with opposite sex.

Honestly, my mother was never a lady who’d allow me to talk to talk to guys all day long or meet them but she’s now. You think the society that fed her brain has changed? No, actually my convincing power has. I’m literally a better person when it comes to convince my parents. And you can be too. Just initiate.

While talking to your parents about friends, take some names of friends of opposite gender(even if they don’t exist). It’ll tell you about their reaction towards it and if it’s not too good(most probably) then talk too calmly like ‘SO WHAT? IT’S OK TO HAVE A GIRL OR BOY AS FRIEND. WE’RE IN 2018 AND IT’S SOOOOOOOOO NORMAL.’

It’ll be easier to do with a bit of confidence. If you’re comfortable with something, others will have to be convinced. Go ahead some other time by showing them some pictures of your friends and this time be ready with a lot more confidence than before because it’s pretty unacceptable and you’re panicking too right? You’ll be thrown into a pool of questions and you know the best thing about arguments is that you always have a side and it means that you can win. The stronger the point is, the difficult it is to be betrayed.

It’s not just about this but I’ve seen people saying a ‘YES’ to everything their parents say and I’m literally not one of them. Trust me, I’m the one to say a big ‘NO’ at that instant and reconsider things. Because acceptance at once cannot be taken back. Later on, if I’m not comfortable with something, I don’t do it. Afterall, I’m never up for regrets.

When we talk about people nowadays, they try to squeeze your thoughts the more you listen to them. Better be an ear that listens with a head that has all the already made decisions. Always give your decisions priority because if you are proven to be precise sometimes, your words will be considered but who’ll? Because you’ve always people a ‘YES SIR!’ attitude which makes them the boss in their heads. You better be one!

Lastly for all those parents who think about ‘WHAT WILL THE SOCIETY SAY?’, just tell them that the society is for a moment or two. Things happen simultaneously and they’ll soon get a better topic to discuss. Let them understand this thing that they’re also a part of society and if they don’t bother about what’s happening in the house next door, others won’t too but if they do, better start pointing them out at this. This will be a good opportunity. And ofcourse it’ll start with a ‘NO’. Learn to say a ‘NO’! (Only when you feel it.)

Basically this post is for this person 💋

P.S: this post doesn’t provoke anyone to disrespect anyone, I’ve personally done this and trust me I’ve better bonding with my parents.

I know you’re leaving anyway!

I’d rather stand still and wait
To see if you’d turn back
Making myself think of the things I used to lack
Than to call out your name
And watch you leave
Because I know you’re leaving anyway
I don’t know if we’ll have an alumnae
You blame the circumstances forcing you into it
And I blame my heart for choosing you over every heartbeat
Night after night, I’m getting stronger
I now know nothing’s gonna happen any after
It ain’t the first time I’ve lost you once again
All that has changed is the mass of pain
Maybe I’ve made my choices
And I know they won’t be changed by circumstances
So much silence like never before
Again I find it something about you to adore
I’ve turned infinite ‘last times’ to ‘second last times’
Waiting for stability to hang on my door frame like chimes

Because I know you’re leaving anyway

I don’t know if we’ll have an alumnae

The One I hate the most

Oh I was in love! Maybe I’m still in love with him but these words no more matter. Ofcourse I played a cheater. Yes, for the first time, the girl who’d been hurt, broken and torn apart cheated her only love. I cheated onto him with this guy. He entered like a snowman in winters that I loved playing with and never realised how I couldn’t let it go when the summers came. I didn’t know how to let go of things and I kept it by my side. Not wanting to let him go, I continued to lie to my long distance soulmate and later, I was asked to choose one. Fuck! I kept playing because I couldn’t choose. Now I realise how easily this guy told him about all my cheats. I was supposed to face this. He says it wasn’t a revenge. I told him ‘ revenge would’ve hurt less’
He promised me not to disclose this secret and my world knows it.
I hurt Rohan and him and it came to me.
It wasn’t intentional. I need to grow up this time. Really. Killing those feelings before they mess up again.
No, for the first time, I ain’t searching for love in new faces. I found it and ruined it.
Was that only me? Ofcourse my partner in crime is the one I hate the most.
The bottom line is : I am a cheater and I swear this was the last time.

I Hate Love

I’ve seen mirror at midnight
With drooping dry eyes
Not a single drop falling
Waiting for the last seen to turn to online and eventually typing
Dream remained in it’s place with nothing to yield
I wonder how I spent those nights
Just reading those texts over and over again when all they said was ‘It’s over’
My heart never sank to the bottom like it did at the first time
The intensity decreased with nights and it turned out to be a habit
Eyes were less sleepy, more dry with least hope
It was a decision to leave than to hold on
Love defined itself making me fall into hate
Now it’s easier to walk past some non-existing human

If you can’t define hate, certainly love never defined itself to you!

Nights with you😍

Since the very first day we’ve been knowing each other, we would talk all day and the conversation would last a little lesser than the complete night.

I remember how we would wish a good morning at 4 and would sleep in peace then.

It wasn’t the first time I would stay awake. The last four months were terrible. I’ve had a breakup and would lay sleepless for hours drenching my pillow with my own tears. But then I met you and the stars fell perfect… So perfect that the perfection seemed less beneath our love.

It’s the moonlight that drenches the soul at midnight

Sooner you started sleeping early leaving me with no conversation and I would never had a problem with that. Why would I? Afterall, I tried understanding you. But I would still fall asleep smiling for no reason remembering those days when we would get into this relationship and you would love me. 

No lesser in time you forgot to text me a good night even and I would spend nights writing long paragraphs for you and would wait for a smile on your face and a thank you notice but there were none. A reaction of dissatisfaction and ignorance would lay all over your face.

You then told me you’ve had a flight the following week and I would spend nights wondering if you would miss me in the other country or would that be me still? There were no hopes, no more smiles and probably no more notes for you. By then I got to understand you even better and had realised that whatever​ I do is so discouraged by you.

The next morning you’ve had a flight and I decided not to sleep. Waking up each night was never this difficult as long as it was needed. I would count out on the clock and would wait for it to say 3:00 am because you had mentioned you would be waking up that early. I had called you nearly 30 times and all those calls went unattended. It was an hour by then and I was focused to say a good bye to you. You then texted me that you’ve left and there are people with you and that too we can’t talk for the time you are out.

I never wished loosing any opportunity to tell you that I loved you but it never reached you. My fault!

Even last night I didn’t sleep and I was wondering if it would be same with you for me the I’ve had for you when you were going?

And the answer was a ‘no’!

First Time

I don’t know what charm he got that made me get too attracted to such a random guy. He was looking stunning. I couldn’t resist myself staring at his way. From top to bottom, he was dressed wonderfully. I was falling for him. It was about three months back when I had sent him a request on facebook and he eventually turned out to be interested in me and asked me out the same day. We both were oblivious of our destinies. I couldn’t even dream of so much perfection that he got. We had our first kiss that day. Things are so changed now but I still remember how I was feeling that night aftrr coming back home. I was missing him for the one day we met. I was loving him. I was sure for him. I knew he’s the one. I was getting butterflies in my stomach and I was actually loving myself. God! I still remember how I couldn’t sleep all night. Yes, even after three months I remember that day though we ended. Today I’m feeling the same consciousness about myself because I met someone else. I gave him a chance. I don’t love him but I want to. And I don’t want to. I’m scared that he would cheat too. I’m afraid that he would leave too. I’m not going to fall in love this time but I don’t even kmow why the hell am I unable to sleep tonight. It’s so true— ‘You choose wisely when you bump into wrong people’.

Maybe it’s time to rethink and let not the scribbled past overtake the unwritten pages of a wonderful future.

Because you know you love it!

Few days back, I was like no school and no more outings. My scooty was all messed up by the dust and some paint which fall straight from the adjoining building. When yesterday I looked at it— I could not clean it since I had less time. Today morning, I went with a duster and a bucket of water and started cleaning it like a helper would do. For anyone else it would have been disgusting but not for me. People walked past asking me what I’m doing and I was chill to tell them I’m cleaning my vehicle. It was nothing to bother because I knew I love it.

Similarly in real life— when people love you and care for you, they don’t hide it nor do they flaunt your relationship. They just aren’t afraid of telling others that they love you, no matter what it takes. Isn’t that ironic how sometimes we tell people that we love and and eventually realise we can’t tell others because maybe they ain’t good looking or smart enough or maybe unattractive!

Sometimes all you need is a mind that’s working to tell you how to move over your heart and think. Afterall, heart isn’t always right!

Powered by

Up ↑

%d bloggers like this: