Birthday Post!

I hadn’t forgotten to write the birthday post. It was one of the pending articles that I keep stocking in my to-do list. I was just procrastinating because this is what you do what you don’t want to do something. This is so true that I didn’t want to write this post but I knew I had to. Work is priority and a promise is a task, a work! I remember the promise I made in the previous post and then I wondered why would I do it when I didn’t have to write it. This is why I made the promise. Because otherwise, I knew I wouldn’t do.

So finally I am here, bleeding the words out of my soul with all the remaining unwillingness!

Continue reading “Birthday Post!”
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July 19

It’s again 19

May I make a call at 10 and ask you how you’ve been?

I can bet you won’t sing the same song

That I’d fallen for for too long

The rain still pours

We just don’t talk for hours

It’s not a random rainfall

It’s the cry from a building too tall

A hand would still wait outside the window at midnight

I don’t remember the left one or the right

This time, your phone wouldn’t ring at 4

I don’t have left anymore tears to pour

Ok so we end this here

I know you as the one stranger I met there

On the streets of an unoccupied road

Kissing closely without worrying about the society code

It’s again 19

Would a make a call at 5 and ask you if you’ll be mine

Your actions still bother the hell out of me

I’ve grown my love into a huge huge tree

No there can never be another

That’s the only unique piece I found for my voids to fall fit

Just you, one and last, I have planned my further

Irony is I’m writing it for someone who wouldn’t read it

And so I wrote this. I’m not sure what will happen in the next few months. I get clingy and want to talk but this year, I’ve tried to stick to my words. Hopefully I will succeed.

P.S.— Happy 2 years to my downfall 🧡

Just Before 24 Hours

So I start Writing it at 11:11

I’m not sure the wish will ever come true and make us even

This is the last poetry I’m writing for you

Oh well! I’ve bid a thousand times the same adieu

Once again it’s going to be one last time

Not the Grande song but hanging on a door wind chime

Finally I think of this day to unlove you

I could’ve better celebrated 1 more year for a few

It’s complicated that I cannot love anyone

You don’t want me back but asking you over and over again is fun

Hey! Tell me you won’t miss me

Of course I get it

You don’t have to say a word

You never did

I understand you are looking for better one

What will you do to the memories? Burn?

In the fire we ignited with our love

And kept burning with pouring hearts into it

Ouch! Your’s was never used. Mine did perfectly fit

It’s difficult to let you go like this

How can I forget it’s me and I won’t ever feel the bliss

To be loved and felt important

But I don’t care coz I’ll always choose the poetry of infant

Now leave before I start falling for you all over again

I won’t write anymore poetry but there also won’t be any pain

Leave before it’s again one more July 19

2 years will be a long time like it has always been

Last thing you need to know is I still play your songs

On repeat sometimes to forget all of the known wrongs

Yes I’ll write the birthday post and won’t forget to wish you

A minute later 00:00 just to give the time to the new!

I never believed in 11:11 and I don’t know if something like this exists. Wishes? What’s the point of them all coming true when the only one I wished for never did and never will? Anyway, I wrote this poetry after a long break. I don’t have to explain why I did. Everyone knows my only inspiration. July 19 is a special day for me. A day of self betrayal and self torture. I’ve mentioned the date before too. This time I want to end it the way it started but I’m not sure if I can. Sometimes the signed pain is a forever contract. I don’t mind it now. It’s a part of my life. A part of me dies to even think of either but there’s no life without neither. I hope I set myself free and stop chasing the one I cannot have.

P.S.— I lost the ring.

Problem with Love!

Relations are getting tougher. You either get cheated upon or left alone. Rarely do we find a two people loving each other and putting in efforts to stay with each other without lust and it’s a big question mark on humanity. Have we all lost our humanity that we think of cheating as the easier way than to make it work? Here’s an answer y’all would want to know—

Actually, we all have experienced love. At least once. Remember the last time you loved someone? That person might or might not have loved you back but did you not cross all the limits of self abolition and destruction? You put in all the efforts to make it work. Begging, crying, trying and trying harder became the only thing at some point but all in vain and one day, when you realised that they only wanted to leave or weren’t made for you, you chose to let go. That time, you thought that you only let go of the person but in real, with them, you let go of the feeling of love, trust, faith and efforts. It’s scary to think of even a moiety of it ever again and so you don’t. The relations work smooth until it’s your time to take a tough stand and you think of all the past times and rather, take a step back. But, what you don’t stop is trying to fall in love. See, love is the hit and trial method. If it works out, Bingo! Otherwise you know it was just a trial. Not everyone is the perfection you deserve. If people are losing you, don’t waste time shedding tears and don’t stop putting in efforts if you want love bc there’s no shortcut. You can always choose not to want it anyway.

P.S.— It’s my first post of monsoon 2019 so Happy Monsoon and Happy Blogging 🍁

Finding solutions!

With some people, we don’t have a life long relation. Yet them liking someone really bothers to some extent and I’m still figuring out why or at least some way to stop it.

I have restricted my social circle a lot this year so there are a handful of people I get to speak my heart out and sometimes I just wonder if there’s only one or two. I barely call them or text but whenever I’ve a lot to say, I take out time.

So this happened today. I was talking to this friend of mine telling him about the recent incidents that took place in my life and how I reacted. My most reactions were too cold and I didn’t react sometimes. After my narration, I asked him what he thinks of me(as a person) bc I wanted to know if he’s the right person to talk to so that he doesn’t judge me or not. So he said that I’m good. Learning things and there’s a lot to learn but he said something that I think if I could unhear bc that’s a thing bothering. He said I’m not the type of girl he likes. And there was this uneasiness in the easy going conversation. I wanted to ask why but I knew I wouldn’t change myself for anyone so why did it bother me? I’m not interested in this person as thinking of dating. We’re just casual friends who barely talk and he might or might not be dating someone for all I care. I just did not like the fact that I’m not the type of girl he likes. It’s not just about him. People adore me and end up saying— ‘you’re just not my type’ so I wanna know what is this type thing they all be talkin’ bout? It bothers me why someone walks away and I let it happen and then they come back when I’ve changed or say, upgraded to a better me. Like I wanna ask COULD YOU NOT STAY WITH ME BECAUSE CHANGES ARE INEVITABLE and whatever I’d have changed to, I’d have not been what you didn’t like at least but no! I don’t owe anyone any explanation. I cannot stop judgementals. I cannot make someone like my type and I cannot change myself for anyone. I need to look at the brighter side. My friend sure told me that I’m good and there’s no flaw and that’s what I wanted to know. I needn’t had to pay heed to the but part and that’s what I know I’ll be doing anymore. I get distracted from the points so I’ll be sticking to my question and the only answer that’s to the point. Further, everyone has got things to say like I do so I ought to hear them and that’s all! I think we all need a positive outlook of ourselves and the conversions.

I know you’re leaving anyway🙈

I’d rather stand still and wait
To see if you’d turn back
Making myself think of the things I used to lack
Than to call out your name
And watch you leave
Because I know you’re leaving anyway
I don’t know if we’ll have an alumnae

You blame the circumstances forcing you into it
And I blame my heart for choosing you over every heartbeat
Night after night, I’m getting stronger
I now know nothing’s gonna happen any after
It ain’t the first time I’ve lost you once again
All that has changed is the mass of pain
Maybe I’ve made my choices
And I know they won’t be changed by circumstances
So much silence like never before
Again I find it something about you to adore
I’ve turned infinite ‘last times’ to ‘second last times’
Waiting for stability to hang on my door frame like chimes

Because I know you’re leaving anyway
I don’t know if we’ll have an alumnae

Restart ❤

Everyone got a passion and time time takes it away reasoning business. Is this not what we all go through? Of course, yes! Is it about time? I don’t think so.Things stop. Everything stops. But this is just an illusion and not real. The reality is—it’s not a stop but a pause. Whatever you may feel it is but it is just a pause.

It might stay there for a moment or two or maybe infinitely enough to make it look like a stop. Totally depends upon the person. Depends upon the time that one takes to realise that the pause can be broken and things can be restarted.

You can restart anything, anytime and anywhere but first ask yourself if you really want to. Do you? Is it even that important? Will you make it strong enough to never have a pause ever again? Ask these questions to yourself before you really find out how. Then think of how and it’ll strike you eventually

Restarting something is totally a voice and yes all about how bad do you want it restarted.

With these words, I’d really want to motivate myself to restart what I started 2 years back and speed after 1—POETRY

People used to commend my pretty because it came straight outta my heart back when I had it. Now that I want it back, I don’t know how. I want to write done really soul-melting poetry.

This will need efforts, a lot of it because true poetry cones from feelings and I am lacking all. There’s still a/only way out— focus and hard work!

Writing my next poetry in this. For no one but myself and those who want to smile but need a bad cry.

Things stop. Everything stops. But this is just an illusion and not real. The reality is—it’s not a stop but a pause. Whatever you may feel it is but it is just a pause.

It might stay there for a moment or two or maybe infinitely enough to make it look like a stop. Totally depends upon the person. Depends upon the time that one takes to realise that the pause can be broken and things can be restarted.

You can restart anything, anytime and anywhere but first ask yourself if you really want to. Do you? Is it even that important? Will you make it strong enough to never have a pause ever again? Ask these questions to yourself before you really find out how. Then think of how and it’ll strike you eventually

Restarting something is totally a voice and yes all about how bad do you want it restarted.

With these words, I’d really want to motivate myself to restart what I started 2 years back and speed after 1—POETRY

People used to commend my pretty because it came straight outta my heart back when I had it. Now that I want it back, I don’t know how. I want to write done really soul-melting poetry.

This will need efforts, a lot of it because true poetry cones from feelings and I am lacking all. There’s still a/only way out— focus and hard work!

Writing my next poetry in this. For no one but myself and those who want to smile but need a bad cry.

Hearts of glass

Feelings on fire

Feet on grass

Bonds all sire

Sired to one

With no intervention

Known by none

Yet have some extension ❤

*Just healer things*

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