It’s again 4:00 am. It’s again 19 and it’s nothing changed. It’s again a chance to be stronger. One last time to be better.
What’s gone was just an illusion
That discriminated love and his action
The choice to leave
And the echoes so deep
But then you left some songs
Saying the unsaid is still one of the wrongs
I can’t let you know what I strongly feel
I know you worry what if I’ll ever heal
Don’t worry the wounds still bleed
Like the tear that flooded with every plead
You play around to see if it hurts
It does honey but less than your oversized shirts
That don’t fit me any fine
They draw between us a thin line
It now separates your fake feelings
With my pain dealings
I know you need to know
If I’ve found someone new
Oh Love! How can you expect me to burn myself again
When I’m not expecting anymore rain
I don’t sleep at nights. No, I really don’t. But I don’t even pick up any calls or reply to random texts. I know the depth of the midnight conversations. I’m not an insomniac because I sometimes sleep in daytime. Sometimes!
I’ve been asked if I ever fell in love. Here’s the answer:
I thought that I fell in love a couple of times but then I read that love can happen once. Just once! So I owe this to someone whom I met almost 10 months back. No we are no more together and I don’t even remember the name. Maybe! But he taught me a lot. He taught me to be a beautiful soul. He made me write poetry. He taught me how to let go and not want any revenge. He turned me into someone better whom I don’t recognise anymore. He taught me how to run away from people. He taught me how to spend sleepless nights doing stuff I never imagined doing. He taught me how I could just nod over the lies. He taught me how not to talk to anyone anymore because now I know it’s not gonna happen. For me, this was the last chance into suicide. And he taught me what love really is. It’s not about the three words, it’s about the unsaid millions of words. Little did he know that I could Read his eyes and Taste his lies
I’ve learnt how all roads just lead to that one house which is no more a home. It has grief and worries but no happiness.
Night before the chemistry examination—
‘I am scared’
‘I’m fucking scared of the examination… I don’t know what’s gonna happen. I might fail.’
‘Whoooo! Wait, you won’t fail but that’s not the issue really. Score matters. By the way what all had you been doing all this while?’
‘I don’t know. I’m scared right now. Do you get this?’
‘What do you expect from me?’
‘Nothing. I should study. Bye!’
And then no words were exchanged…
Just the beep of the call’s hanging up!
*Phone rings again*
‘I love you:
‘Wa… Wait! Pardon?’
‘I don’t repeat myself’
‘Say it you damnit?’
‘Does this matter?’
‘I don’t know.’
‘Ofcourse it does. I love you. And you know score matters but one subject shouldn’t put your moral down. Just do your best and we still have like 12 hours to prepare. I’m woken up all night. Call me whenever you are scared. I cannot hold your hold from the distance apart but I’ll do every possible thing to calm you do. Do your best. You know the writing tactics.’
‘Thanks… Er… Thank you so much Love…’
‘Ok bye I am busy.'(chuckling)
‘I love you too’
‘I thought you’ll tell me something new.’
Inspiration? Ofcourse Durjoy Datta💕
P.S— this posts completely differentiates needs from wants and imaginations from deams!
Was it right to do?
You would have had the answer had you tried but…
See, this is what happens when you are too afraid of your parents, boss or your teachers. You get to delete all those pictures you clicked with your girlfriend or boyfriend because it’s wrong. Whoooo! Is it? Well, you think it’s wrong but do the people around you feel the same way too? Maybe they are chill with this and don’t even ask you a single question. Maybe they consider them just friends of yours and you’re worried for no reason. Actually, we all have to understand that we need to take the initiative. Atleast a try? Firstly it’s better to understand that everything we do by our own isn’t wrong. Sometimes it is, but not always. Learn from mistakes and gather from the good outcomes.
I shouldn’t say this? Well, I should because I’ve made peace with my parents and teachers regarding meetings and conversations with opposite sex.
Honestly, my mother was never a lady who’d allow me to talk to talk to guys all day long or meet them but she’s now. You think the society that fed her brain has changed? No, actually my convincing power has. I’m literally a better person when it comes to convince my parents. And you can be too. Just initiate.
While talking to your parents about friends, take some names of friends of opposite gender(even if they don’t exist). It’ll tell you about their reaction towards it and if it’s not too good(most probably) then talk too calmly like ‘SO WHAT? IT’S OK TO HAVE A GIRL OR BOY AS FRIEND. WE’RE IN 2018 AND IT’S SOOOOOOOOO NORMAL.’
It’ll be easier to do with a bit of confidence. If you’re comfortable with something, others will have to be convinced. Go ahead some other time by showing them some pictures of your friends and this time be ready with a lot more confidence than before because it’s pretty unacceptable and you’re panicking too right? You’ll be thrown into a pool of questions and you know the best thing about arguments is that you always have a side and it means that you can win. The stronger the point is, the difficult it is to be betrayed.
It’s not just about this but I’ve seen people saying a ‘YES’ to everything their parents say and I’m literally not one of them. Trust me, I’m the one to say a big ‘NO’ at that instant and reconsider things. Because acceptance at once cannot be taken back. Later on, if I’m not comfortable with something, I don’t do it. Afterall, I’m never up for regrets.
When we talk about people nowadays, they try to squeeze your thoughts the more you listen to them. Better be an ear that listens with a head that has all the already made decisions. Always give your decisions priority because if you are proven to be precise sometimes, your words will be considered but who’ll? Because you’ve always people a ‘YES SIR!’ attitude which makes them the boss in their heads. You better be one!
Lastly for all those parents who think about ‘WHAT WILL THE SOCIETY SAY?’, just tell them that the society is for a moment or two. Things happen simultaneously and they’ll soon get a better topic to discuss. Let them understand this thing that they’re also a part of society and if they don’t bother about what’s happening in the house next door, others won’t too but if they do, better start pointing them out at this. This will be a good opportunity. And ofcourse it’ll start with a ‘NO’. Learn to say a ‘NO’! (Only when you feel it.)
P.S: this post doesn’t provoke anyone to disrespect anyone, I’ve personally done this and trust me I’ve better bonding with my parents.
I’ve seen mirror at midnight
With drooping dry eyes
Not a single drop falling
Waiting for the last seen to turn to online and eventually typing
Dream remained in it’s place with nothing to yield
I wonder how I spent those nights
Just reading those texts over and over again when all they said was ‘It’s over’
My heart never sank to the bottom like it did at the first time
The intensity decreased with nights and it turned out to be a habit
Eyes were less sleepy, more dry with least hope
It was a decision to leave than to hold on
Love defined itself making me fall into hate
Now it’s easier to walk past some non-existing human
If you can’t define hate, certainly love never defined itself to you!