Nights with you😍

Since the very first day we’ve been knowing each other, we would talk all day and the conversation would last a little lesser than the complete night.

I remember how we would wish a good morning at 4 and would sleep in peace then.

It wasn’t the first time I would stay awake. The last four months were terrible. I’ve had a breakup and would lay sleepless for hours drenching my pillow with my own tears. But then I met you and the stars fell perfect… So perfect that the perfection seemed less beneath our love.

It’s the moonlight that drenches the soul at midnight

Sooner you started sleeping early leaving me with no conversation and I would never had a problem with that. Why would I? Afterall, I tried understanding you. But I would still fall asleep smiling for no reason remembering those days when we would get into this relationship and you would love me. 

No lesser in time you forgot to text me a good night even and I would spend nights writing long paragraphs for you and would wait for a smile on your face and a thank you notice but there were none. A reaction of dissatisfaction and ignorance would lay all over your face.

You then told me you’ve had a flight the following week and I would spend nights wondering if you would miss me in the other country or would that be me still? There were no hopes, no more smiles and probably no more notes for you. By then I got to understand you even better and had realised that whatever​ I do is so discouraged by you.

The next morning you’ve had a flight and I decided not to sleep. Waking up each night was never this difficult as long as it was needed. I would count out on the clock and would wait for it to say 3:00 am because you had mentioned you would be waking up that early. I had called you nearly 30 times and all those calls went unattended. It was an hour by then and I was focused to say a good bye to you. You then texted me that you’ve left and there are people with you and that too we can’t talk for the time you are out.

I never wished loosing any opportunity to tell you that I loved you but it never reached you. My fault!

Even last night I didn’t sleep and I was wondering if it would be same with you for me the I’ve had for you when you were going?

And the answer was a ‘no’!

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First Time

I don’t know what charm he got that made me get too attracted to such a random guy. He was looking stunning. I couldn’t resist myself staring at his way. From top to bottom, he was dressed wonderfully. I was falling for him. It was about three months back when I had sent him a request on facebook and he eventually turned out to be interested in me and asked me out the same day. We both were oblivious of our destinies. I couldn’t even dream of so much perfection that he got. We had our first kiss that day. Things are so changed now but I still remember how I was feeling that night aftrr coming back home. I was missing him for the one day we met. I was loving him. I was sure for him. I knew he’s the one. I was getting butterflies in my stomach and I was actually loving myself. God! I still remember how I couldn’t sleep all night. Yes, even after three months I remember that day though we ended. Today I’m feeling the same consciousness about myself because I met someone else. I gave him a chance. I don’t love him but I want to. And I don’t want to. I’m scared that he would cheat too. I’m afraid that he would leave too. I’m not going to fall in love this time but I don’t even kmow why the hell am I unable to sleep tonight. It’s so true— ‘You choose wisely when you bump into wrong people’.

Maybe it’s time to rethink and let not the scribbled past overtake the unwritten pages of a wonderful future.

Because you know you love it!

Few days back, I was like no school and no more outings. My scooty was all messed up by the dust and some paint which fall straight from the adjoining building. When yesterday I looked at it— I could not clean it since I had less time. Today morning, I went with a duster and a bucket of water and started cleaning it like a helper would do. For anyone else it would have been disgusting but not for me. People walked past asking me what I’m doing and I was chill to tell them I’m cleaning my vehicle. It was nothing to bother because I knew I love it.

Similarly in real life— when people love you and care for you, they don’t hide it nor do they flaunt your relationship. They just aren’t afraid of telling others that they love you, no matter what it takes. Isn’t that ironic how sometimes we tell people that we love and and eventually realise we can’t tell others because maybe they ain’t good looking or smart enough or maybe unattractive!

Sometimes all you need is a mind that’s working to tell you how to move over your heart and think. Afterall, heart isn’t always right!

Just When You​ Don’t Need Reasons to Love

Craving for love it happened,

Long ago I saw this guy

But that day he looked different

Different from the world

He might have been the same forever but noticing last time was difficult

Deep into another guy I was

I knew it’s the right time now to approach and so did I

Asked him out and he agreed

We met at the corner of the street

He opened the door for me and I sat in the passenger’s seat

So silent and more calm I felt

For the first time I was in someone else’s car,

Someone else but it felt like it belonged to me since eternity

Why would he look so great? I questioned myself when he dropped the accelerator in the restaurant’s gate,

I stared at him and he pulled me down 

Throwing the keys to the bellet, we went inside

What Would you like to have? He asked

Cold coffee with some ice-cream. I said

He laughed at my childishness and I enjoyed

We then had our coffees and went ahead

Long away we drove for hours 

Talking about nothing but sweet desires

Desires from life and desires for life

He again parked the car in a parking lot,

I looked at him and he looked back

We stared each other for long and long

His deep brown eyes said a lot but I waited for his lips to conquer

He touched my neck and I let him do,

I was feeling comfortable since it felt new

Like nothing else we were feeling each other

No words to exchange and a lot to discover

It was a casual starting of a wonderful relationship

A relationship which I wasn’t sure of would ever work

I had my eyes closed when he kissed me

It was so passionate like it was the same forever

How sometimes do you meet people for the first time and know they are going to be that long searched rain drop?

How sometimes do you fall in love with a random guy at a food shop?

Falling in love with one and falling off love with other simultaneously!

Imperfection is a boon

No one is perfect since perfection is a myth as I say. But the irony is people seem to believe the myths more than reality. Here imperfection plays it’s role. It’s real and it helps you get to the right person. Obviously everyone wants perfection and rare go for the less perfect and make it perfect. Perfect for themselves not the world actually. So now you know how it’s easy and wonderful to know that you ain’t perfect and there’s someone who cares about you knowing all of your demerits. People might long for you and die for you for the way you fake your perfection. But try being real and they would all leave and everyone would give you a wonderful reason. Whereas when you are yourself, i.e. less perfect, only few will try to turn to you and feel you. Trust me, those few people are wonderful. And for the shocking part, let me tell you that the right one might fall for your imperfections only.
So… It took about a couple of weeks for me to get back to my blog again. Actually, time isn’t what you need but an idea. Like today, my mother said “You are good at everything but you would be perfect if you were little more tall” and I immediately replied, “don’t you think a lot many wrong people would have approached me for that?

She fell silent, smiled and said— 

Imperfection is a boon for those who understand!

The Well

The unpromising well!

After walking about 50 miles, Rizwan couldn’t bear the heat and was exhausted. The water bottle was empty since hours and he knew there’s no drop of water in the sand. But sometimes will power plays an important role. He had a hope that he would find some water and he kept moving regardless of his situation. He had covered two miles now that he saw a well. A well! Rizwan’s eyes shone like the stars in the galaxies that too when the sun was burning his throat away. He knew he would survive now. He realised that the water would quench his thirst and then he knew he would cover the distance to the well in minutes even though it was far enough to be seen like the size of a Matchbox. He continued to walk with the stick in his hand that helped him walk in the sea of sand. With each step, he knew he would get water and he decided to fill his bottle too for the rest of the journey. Rizwan covered the distance within a shorter​ time limit than he expected. He just now had to drop the bucket in the well and pull it out and drink the potion of savior. The bucket was tied up with the rope and thrown into the well. Tannnnn… It sounded. Heck! The well was empty and now his face too. All the shine from his eyes was gone. Gone forever because that was the last time he had opened them. Yes, he died. With the fact that he would no longer be surviving. Maybe he would have, but he gave up and he killed himself with the hopelessness!
There was a hope for some water. Seeing the well turned it into expectations. But you know what? Expectations hurt and over expectations kill. That’s what had happened with Rizwan. The well didn’t promise him water. There was no way he would know it from the distance. Peeking inside was only way out to know. Having expectations was life taking afterall, he imagined that the water would be found and would no longer need to wander around for it. He decided it was his final destination and so was!

Nothing is promising forever. It’s you who expect and sometimes the expectations grow too much and they kill you deep inside. Learn to live with a two sided mind. Know that a coin has two sides!

The Guy I Dream Of

Almost every relationship comes with some expectations that grow with time and not every time it’s wrong to expect. A little bit of daily conversation and small piece of care isn’t too much to expect. Is it? Nah!!!!! But some people can’t even afford making you smile once throughout the day. Whoa! So true right? And then it’s clear the relationship would not work out but it’s human nature to be dependent on others and they need someone with them everytime. Trying harder and harder and even harder to keep it all in a line, we all loose ourselves but who said loving with a broken heart is prohibited? It needs love to be repaired and here it goes, search for someone else moreover the better one. Learning from the past what is not needed and a list is being created. Mine goes this way…

That One Imaginary Figure—

  • A Reader: Obviously I need a reader. Afterall, the one who isn’t interested in my words would probably not be interested in me since that’s all I’ve. My words!
  • Good Looking: I don’t have the concept of ‘looks don’t matter’. They do like too much. How would you not like someone who looks good?
  • Appreciation: Be it a girl or a boy, who doesn’t like to be appreciated? Everyone does and everyone got some unique qualities. All we need is a right person to appreciate them and make us feel wonderful.
  • Surprises: Well, there’s something too much imaginary. Yes, it’s an imaginary part and I would wait to hell to let it happen. Sometimes I wonder if the one I’m committed to would call me and ask me to peek out of the window at midnight just because he was missing me and he just needs to see me once. I would love him to long for me and some more such insane stuff sometimes. 
  • A Healthy Conversation: What effects a relationship the most is how easily do you understand them or how hard you try to understand them. Keep the conversations short and real. And that’s all what I need. Someone to listen to my side and probably let me know where do I lack. It would be wonderful knowing each other inch—by—inch. Won’t it be?
  • Sharing Everything: Everyone got their secrets that you never want to share with anyone. But what I want is, the person shouldn’t have anything that had been told to atleast one person and not me. Sharing the problems wouldn’t make them easy, but I would know that he isn’t faking a reason and is stuck in a serious trouble. I got trust issues!
  • Love: For me it lies at the end of my list. Maybe I’ve seen too​ many real faces that I don’t want to fall in love at the first place with the wrong person. I would rather know him for all his goods and bads and then let my heart decide! So he needs to love me and keep me among the top 5 of his priorities. Everything will fall perfect with ‘US‘!

    The post is word-to-word imagination. Please do not try to link with real life!

    Rain Again!

    Late at night, when it rains, I hid inside my blanket. With half face visible and the more under cover, I remember how beautiful we were together. It reminds me of our first meeting—

    16 July 2016

    We decided to meet and you were supposed to pick me up. It was raining like hell and I was all set to meet you. And then, I thought you won’t come out but on the call you were there and asked me if I would be able to come? Yes I had to. Afterall it was supposed to be our first date. I saw you for the first time. Not that it was actually the first time, but I could touch you then. I could feel you then and I loved you then. It was only love between us and the rain added some more of it. How wonderful we were. Remember our first kiss? We both didn’t know how to kiss and lol teeth crashed. We spent a wonderful time together and since then, whenever you would call, you would remind me of the incident and we would both laugh. Why do I now cry for the same?

    You left me like I never existed. Like we never loved each other. Like it weren’t you to ask me out and propose me. Like it weren’t you who would steal glances at me. Like it weren’t you who would get worried if I didn’t call to tell you that I reached home safely. Like it weren’t you who saod we would last and that too you would fight anyone. Like it weren’t you who said we would run if nothing works out.

    What now? Why did you stop making efforts? Why did you stop loving me? Or showing me?

    I never wished scribbling it all like this. It was meant to be a secret of my life that was supposed to die by my side. But then it happened. The rain! And I found myself crawling inside the blanket with teary eyes scratching my ears to escape the voice of rain. To escape the smell of the rain. To escape the memories of our love that happened in the rain and I found myself writing this!

    Today I’m crying here for what my life has become. When at some time, I had someone to love me and shower care for me. Now I’m with someone who doesn’t love me and doesn’t even make me feel alive. I feel like a waste now. I want to dig inside the bed and escape the world. It was my decision. To run away from one, you need to run towards another. No I did not choose to end us. You did for you were not sure of our future. You were sure we would never be together. And now I see you daily and can’t tell you how much I love you. I can’t. I know we can be together and that everything can be perfect but no, I don’t want to tell you that because you don’t want us to be together. It’s difficult seeing you daily knowing you would never love me. And it’s even more difficult to try to love someone who thinks you are a piece of shit.

    It was my choice and my life belongs to me completely. I ruined it all.

    You can try your level best, but what when they are trying their level best too? To end it?

    Difficulties

    Everything isn’t that easy. It is but not that much. Similarly everything isn’t that difficult. It is but not that much. And what counts in the end is not how hard it was, but how hard you tried to achieve it.

    The most easy way to tackle amy problem is— run away.

    Run away from the people who ain’t good, from the friends who ain’t listening to you, from a child who cries and from a relationship where your efforts are needed. It seems easy just because you don’t have to do anything but run. We all have just learnt one thing. RUN. Right?

    But how about facing the poblems? I mean try to improve the humanity. Try to build up friendships. Try to make a child smile. Try to give time to your loved ones. 

    I’m not saying do it. I’m just asking you to try it. Can you not atleast try? 

    Afterall what counts in the end isn’t how difficult it was but how hard you tried. 

    Failures are the pillars of success only if they learn from their mistakes. The only three types of people I’ve ever met are who—

    • Try, fail and quit
    • Try, fail and continue to fail
    • Try, fail, learn and achieve

    That’s life. Everything​ is difficult and everything is easy, it’s just the way you look at it. Try not to run away from problems but solve them.

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