Untitled

Hope now your ego is fed
As I continued to shed
The words you left unsaid
In a book kept unread
Tho we’re far apart
I still remember the start
Memories are still the only part
Left with me to restart
My life without you
Without missing you too
Here it’s a good adieu
Like a moon too blue

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Birthday Post💕

I’m not the first one you’re saying this ‘I Love You’ to. Right?

You are the last one.

This shows how malleable your feelings are.

I might have said this to many but you’re the second one I feel it for. Everyone else who came in, never mattered.

Come on… This is not how love works. Love happens just once. Either you didn’t love him or you don’t love me. Tell me?

Just because I’m with you and to console you, I won’t say it was never with him. I felt it with him too. But if you tell me that it happens just once, I’ll say it’s with you. It is. And I feel like I’ll never fall in love again. Never!

Well, let’s see who leaves first.

A little part of what we had. A little piece of the heart I gave to you. A little part of the most beautiful relationship. A little part of the lost feeling of love. A little part of us. A little part of you and a little part of me.

Happy Birthday Love!

I wish I could call you and wish you a happy birthday but chuchu(dare anyone laugh at this) this would’ve been contradictory. I mean my voice and a happy birthday? Your day will turn worse. And I really want your day to be spent well.

So, you’re 25 now. Did she wish you yet? Wait! Are you even reading this on 17th August? I don’t think you’ll read my blog on your birthday. If you ever do, make an anonymous comment about how I look in this picture and I’ll know it’s you.

P.S– I still hope to never see you again.

💋💋

So it’s been a year to the last time in my lifetime that I ever fell in love. It was pious and beautiful.

There were tears when it ended but now all has gone. Everytime I close my eyes, I see a flashback from accidently texting someone and falling in love and getting hurt and running away to finally accepting the fact that it’s gone.

I’m fine with it. Everyone knows that I loved way too much and too hard but the lesser known fact is that only I did.

It’s gone forever and I feel blessed because finally I’m done with the feelings thing. I don’t really care if someone tries to boss me or tell me how I should behave or react. It’s my life and because I’ve destroyed it at an extreme level already, now whatever mistake I’ll make, it’ll be bearable.

I feel blessed because it’s been 5 months without using the word ‘love’ if not for him. It’s been 5 months without being in any contact with him. It’s been 5 months without letting him know about my feelings. But it’s just been lesser time since I last felt pain. Maybe it just faded or I got habitual. Now wounds don’t hurt and I’m happy.

The other reason for feeling blessed is that even if I make a mistake, I don’t regret it because I don’t repeat it.

It’s again one more time that I’m tired because of traveling and still I’m writing. The last time it happened was on the night of 3rd February 2018. I remember dates(particularly when I shouldn’t). I was making some cute love notes that night which I kept in my favourite book ‘The Promise’ and didn’t give a thought about if I should go ahead or not. I couldn’t sleep that night because I was excited and damn, it was the last meeting on 4th February 2018. How will I ever forget these dates?

I don’t know if I should end my letter with this but ‘Happy One Year Love’.

Letter to Love💋

Love,
There’s a lot I can do tonight. I can cook, I can dance, I can read my favourite book and I can even listen to our song. I’m a little confused if it’s ours still because no matter what we both have same feelings for the song or is it yours and then mine?
How does it matter?
See, I’m worried about a lot many things. 19 July it’ll be in the next 10 days. It’ll be one fucking whole year and I’ll miss you. Oh! It’s nothing new. I miss you every now and then. I don’t know what I’ll be doing that day. I badly want to heal and you remember how you told me that I’ll soon find a guy when you leave because you were dating a bitch according to you, I wish if I could really do this but I’ve developed an aura of repulsion around me. I don’t allow people with feelings near me. I don’t need no one. It feels like they’re gonna snatch your memories from me and I’m scared. Also when I’ve seen the pebbled path, I’m not going to walk it again. It hurt me enough last time.
I’m doing fine you see? I smile everyday and I don’t fake it. I cry once a month and it’ll lessen over time. I’m actually healing and everytime I’m closer to my soul, I realise how you left. You were supposed to ofcourse. We had this deal that I won’t cry when you leave and I didn’t really. All my tears were dried by then. I cried my heart out when we were in relationship. I wish one day, I’ll see you as a stranger and passing by won’t be difficult to pretend. I know I will never forget you. You’re the last one.
I understand that you had reasons and I respect them.
Hope you’re happy.
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P.S— I’ll post a birthday picture of yours here on my blog on your birthday with the message that I would type for you. I don’t want to initiate any conversations. I don’t care if you still consider me a bitch and tell her that. I’m ok with it. Maybe I could never make you feel good about me. I’m sorry. I know you’ll never read this but how else can I keep my insanity constant.

Dates!

It’s again 4:00 am. It’s again 19 and it’s nothing changed. It’s again a chance to be stronger. One last time to be better.

What’s gone was just an illusion
That discriminated love and his action
The choice to leave
And the echoes so deep
But then you left some songs
Saying the unsaid is still one of the wrongs
I can’t let you know what I strongly feel
I know you worry what if I’ll ever heal
Don’t worry the wounds still bleed
Like the tear that flooded with every plead
You play around to see if it hurts
It does honey but less than your oversized shirts
That don’t fit me any fine
They draw between us a thin line
It now separates your fake feelings
With my pain dealings
I know you need to know
If I’ve found someone new
Oh Love! How can you expect me to burn myself again
When I’m not expecting anymore rain20180609_222113.jpg

I don’t sleep at nights. No, I really don’t. But I don’t even pick up any calls or reply to random texts. I know the depth of the midnight conversations. I’m not an insomniac because I sometimes sleep in daytime. Sometimes!

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I’ve been asked if I ever fell in love. Here’s the answer:
I thought that I fell in love a couple of times but then I read that love can happen once. Just once! So I owe this to someone whom I met almost 10 months back. No we are no more together and I don’t even remember the name. Maybe! But he taught me a lot. He taught me to be a beautiful soul. He made me write poetry. He taught me how to let go and not want any revenge. He turned me into someone better whom I don’t recognise anymore. He taught me how to run away from people. He taught me how to spend sleepless nights doing stuff I never imagined doing. He taught me how I could just nod over the lies. He taught me how not to talk to anyone anymore because now I know it’s not gonna happen. For me, this was the last chance into suicide. And he taught me what love really is. It’s not about the three words, it’s about the unsaid millions of words. Little did he know that I could
Read his eyes
and
Taste his lies

I’ve learnt how all roads just lead to that one house which is no more a home. It has grief and worries but no happiness.

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